10 Commandments of Gig Etiquette, as told by The Wandering Lamb

“The Lord your God will raise up a Wandering Lamb like me from among your own people. Listen carefully to everything it tells you. Anyone who will not listen to that Lamb will be cut off from God’s people and utterly destroyed.” moses

paparazzi

  1. Thou shall not imitate the paparazzi

First and most obvious is the rise (literally) of smart phone cameras floating above our heads throughout the entire gig.  I must confess, I am an offender on most occasion so I am going to go as far to say that a quick photo should be allowed, everyone loves amemory but for “Pete’s Sake” (Euphemistic variant of for Christ’s sake, for God’s sake; “Pete” perhaps invoking Saint Peter or perhaps influenced by for pity’s sake) don’t spend the entire night trying to perfect your mastery of focus, angle, mood, filter to capture the perfect snapshot, be in the moment Pete!

Lamb Says – Like the red carpet at the Oscars, each band should have an agreed 30 second moment where they take centre stage and allow those eager photo snappers to have their moment, and then to the pocket the phone shall go.

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  1. Thou shall not record their “entire” favourite song

Id like to get the second commandment out the way, tying in nicely to number 10.  It is bad enough to have a smart phone ruining your personal live experience, but to have a punter directly in your view, trying to record a full song is unfair and downright annoying. Okay, again I am a culprit of watching this footage on YouTube but in the moment, it is annoying and damn right disrespectful.

Lamb Says – Go book yourself into a filming school, get qualified and then score yourself a media pass and do it right.

Steven Tyler of the American rock band Aerosmith performs on stage during their Global Warming World Tour concert in Vilnius, Lithuania, Wednesday, May 21, 2014. (AP Photo/Mindaugas Kulbis)

  1. Thou shall not sing louder than the singer

We all love singalong, don’t get me wrong. We all know the lyrics, don’t get me wrong. Just keep the projectile volume to a level that you think that you can harmonise at just the right pitch.  Actually, if you can refrain from volume at all unless the singer encourages a big sing-a-long and then, okay, you have your permission granted.

Lamb Says – practice singing in your head.  Its fun and after a few practices you will be top of your class.

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  1. Thou shall not carry more than 3 beers through the already packed crowd

I love a beer at a gig.  Actually I like a few beers at a gig but the older I get the more I start to realise how annoying it is to see someone weave their way through a crowd trying to juggle 4 beers and in the process, pouring it all over me.  Slight leniency does go to those who do say “excuse me, excuse me, excuse me” but there is no excusing greedy friends who have to coerce their mates into getting them a beer so they don’t miss out on their favourite song or spot. If you think you can carry 4 beers, just think again.

Lamb Says – get it yourself.

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6. Though Shall not be taller than the average audience member and stand at the front

Now this is the tough one as these poor people who stand in at 6’1 (6′ is fine, I am 6′) and pay disregard to others behind them in order to get the best position.  There is argument that these tall people have the right just as much as the others who are not so tall inclined to enjoy the experience, but if you can see so clear, what will a few metres do.

Lamb Says – provide pre-determined zones in every gig based on height, short at the front, tall at the back hence providing a nicely gradient event in pure orderly fashion. Simple.

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5. Though Shall not throw beverages

Perhaps not as prevalent in indoor gigs then at festivals, but either way, this one I just don’t understand.  It seems a little less common in Australia, however in the United Kingdom this was almost expected at each gig I attended.  An overexcited audience member believes the idea of taking a perfectly refreshing pint of lager and throwing it high up into the air, thus soaking us all with the nectar of the Gods is something worthy and hilarious.  We learnt only recently the impact of throwing liquids on stage results in Justin Beiber leaving the stage after just one song.  Okay, perhaps not so bad! What is bad is a time that I recall when a young lad in front of me decided it was appropriate to relieve himself in pint glass and then……you get the idea!

Lamb Says – get, what we like to call….a life.

kissing

4. Tough Shall not “make out” with another during your favourite song

Gigs are a great place for first dates but they are not places where you tongue lash your frisky little friend, no matter what your age or inclination.  We all get a little bit sentimental during a gig and perhaps feel a little, well, excited but this is no excuse to exchange your bits in the face of people around you, particularly those directly behind.  I have noticed that this commandment is more obeyed these days, perhaps it is because the older I get the further from the front I am.

Lamb Says – get a room

People-Search

3. Though Shall not keep bumping into me when I am trying to enjoy the gig

Invasion of personal space is a compromise you have to make at a gig we have to accept that.  There is something quite wonderful about a group of people standing in a field or in a small dingy dive however what is not acceptable is the constant bumping and grinding by that some one person throughout the whole gig.  Many of us say that if you don’t want to

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2. Though Shall not, NOT support the Support

We TWL are obvious keen supporters of live music as are many of you.  Some of us have been or are currently in bands and we know first hand the unimaginable difficult that comes with playing to just a few audience members.  Yes, it is all part of the support act experience but “by golly gee”,  it pains me to see so few people give their time to watch the support act, if merely for the respect of the band no matter your musical inclination.  More than often much of the music that I discover comes from those support bands and it is such a great feeling to say “I remember seeing that band support blah blah blah and now look where they are”.  Give a bit back and  support the support.

Lamb Says – Just do it, a gig is beyond the main act, be part of the atmosphere

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Number One

Though Shall not TALK

Yes yes yes, it is an obvious one but it continues to be the most annoying.  Time after time, I am subjected to those individuals who choose to start a conversation about their mates, mate who met this girl whose friends friend….. and then the other spends their time trying to moenuver their ear so they can catch every 4th word of the conversation before responding “What?”  Ill tell you what, take your conversation to the back of the venue, or even better, outside and say what you need to say while the rest of us can experience what we have paid to experience.  Dont get me wrong, a bit of banter is all part of the experience, but keep it short and sweet and dont let be the grumpy outspoken one and ask you to put a plug in it!

Lamb says – I think lamb has said enough! 🙂

 

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